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My Inactive Account
23 October 2009, 13:19
And this is the move I'm taking to make it active again. Woohooo
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Things, Change. But Not Really.
21 February 2009, 11:33
I wanted to write stuff about how I feel like time is flying by me and I'm growing up (or growing old) way too fast. But then I realized that I haven't really grown up. Not really anyways. So maybe I do have a job now and being all responsible and stuff, but I still am the same girl. I still do nothing in front of the computer but read gossip sites and increase my knowledge about useless celebrity info because really, what else is there to do online (a lot, i know. But i don't have the patience to discover what those things are. I'm not even really into youtube. Shocker. Hahaha). I watch the same TV shows (Disney channel anyone?). I still buy Archie comics (especially the ones in Booksale and gas stations..so much cheaper than the ones in the bookstores) and I don't even just read them while I'm on the toilet (TMI. Hahaha). So as much as I wanted to write about the wonders of being an adult, I realized that that's not really where I'm at. I'm enjoying living my childhood dreams while earning (some) means to do it. Like last Christmas, when I finally bought myself some cookie cutters and made my holiday cookies, complete with the hard frosting. I mean, it was some kinda crappy cookies, but they were something I've always always wanted to do and now I got to do them (even if only about half got eaten, and that was probably because the people at work were really just starving at that time, but that's beside the point).
For me, growing up now doesn't mean that things have to change drastically. To be perfectly honest, I feel like I'm back in high school in more ways than one (especially since I used to be allowed to drive back in college and now, i get dropped off and fetched..by my mom. Everyday). And this isn't some post on how I want to stay 23 forever or whatnot. It just that, for the longest time, I was always in a hurry to grow up. Yeah, I enjoyed having a childish side once in a while, but I always had the big picture in my mind. I had the plans and dreams all sewn up and I knew what I was working for all this time. But now that I AM old, I feel like slowing down a little. If any, I feel younger than I did at 18, when I was just gearing up for college. This isn't some quarter life crisis, and I'm not saying that I'm ready to throw away everything I've worked so hard for. It's just that, I finally understand what people mean about slowing down and smelling the flowers (or something like that). I haven't done anything drastic in my life, and I haven't exerted any effort really to break lose from my rigid life. But now I know that I can do that and maybe someday I will. But it sure is nice to know that I have the option to do so. :)
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Of Regrets and Other Christmas Thoughts
21 December 2008, 14:37
We all live with things we regret.
I guess sometimes it can be as simple as eating that last bag of chips when you know you'll have a tougher time fitting in your pants the next day. Or buying that pair of shoes that are now in sitting in your shoe closet, untouched. Or that last shouting match you just had with your mom/dad/sister/brother/friend that left your relationship temporarily strained. I'm sure everyone's had their fair share of the "what was I thinking?" moment. And even though we know that we can never, ever take back what we said or did, we continue to torture ourselves by replaying the incident over and over in our heads.
Or at least that's what I do.
Everyone that knows me knows I think too much. I think that's been pretty much the focus of ALL the "blog entries" that I've ever posted. But going back to the topic, regret is something I get plagued by quite often. So maybe buyer's remorse takes centerstage in my regret list (impulse buying will be my downfall someday. but really, tell me who can resist buying Korean erasers for only P100? I mean, dude. They were cute.) I have my fair share of wtf moments, of instances that I really really wish I never had. I guess this isn't a very Christmas-y thought, but the cold weather always gets me all sentimental and wanting to listen to the slow songs buried in my iPod. I guess what got me thinking about regret is that there have been a lot of things that happened in 2008 that involved making tough decisions, and I've been wondering if along the way, I've made some bad ones.
And while not all decisions I made would be considered smart or good or the best, I can safely say that I do not regret the decisions I've made. Because I feel that I've become a stronger person, a tougher person. A better person. There are some things that I wish turned out differently though. I have to admit, 2008 was a tough year, and everyone says 2009 will be even tougher. But I guess in life, nothing really is just smooth sailing. But we make the best out of what we have and who we are. So while I still torture myself over how much better I could have said something or maybe have done something differently, I think what makes me calmer now is that I know that no matter how differently I did things, I would still have ended up with the same decision in the end. And ultimately, I'm happy about how things turned out.
I'm still hoping though that 2009 will have less life-altering decision making and just be a good year for everyone.
I will try my best to put up more holiday-related thoughts next time.
Merry Christmas all!
Song: The Smiths - Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want
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I'm not really emo
24 November 2008, 22:18
I just sound like it. :)
I apologize for all the whineeey, emo-ish entries the last couple of days. I'm not entirely sure what came over me, but I believe it's mixture of stress, lack of sleep and hunger. But I assure all of you (yes, you 3 people who actually read this thing) that I am fine.
Thanks for the concern. :) Here's to more emo-ness in the future.
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Not sad, but not happy either
23 November 2008, 18:43
I haven't cried in a while. I've never really been a crier to begin with, but it has been a while since I've poured my heart out and just let go. I think the last time I remember crying so hard was watching this sad, sad, sad Grey's Anatomy episode where the mom had cancer but didn't want her daughter to know cause she's a single parent and the daughter would be left all alone once she dies. I remember crying so hard in the middle of the night while watching it. I was so worried that my roommates would hear me sniffling, but thank goodness we're all pretty heavy sleepers. That was a couple of years ago.
Okay, so maybe it hasn't been 2 years since the last time I cried, but the tears are getting harder and harder to come by. People would probably say I'm just happy, but to be honest, there are days that I have a hard time getting out of bed. And of course Breakdown just happened to start playing on my iPod (it's on shuffle mode now. The iPod didn't just magically turn on. That would just be creepy).
So here's the deal. I'm not looking for a breakdown. Soooo not what I want. But what I am is sad. There are a lot of things that I've been thinking of and going through that past few days, weeks, months that have started to take a toll on me. And while people may see me as a typical Woooo! girl, well, to be honest I'm not all that into Woooing! right now. I just really want to cry on someone's shoulders and not talk but just cry my heart. If you know someone who's shoulder is available, please let me know. I would really appreciate it.
Song of the moment: Mariah Carey - Breakdown
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The Saddest Day on Television
22 November 2008, 09:09
is the day Pushing Daisies was cancelled.
I've never been a huge fan of fantasy, being the extremely realistic person that I am. I've always stuck to what's real and what could actually happen. I veered away from science fiction because I always knew that those things will never actually happen. Well, not that those young adult novels were all that realistic, but I liked to thing that there was actually an Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield somewhere out there.
And then there was Pushing Daisies, which is one of the best shows I've watched in years. It has just the right amount of magic and reality. It was one of the happiest and saddest shows I've ever watched and I fell in love with the whole story from the first episode. And now it's gone, albeit promises of continuing the story in comic book format or turning it into a movie. I've never been really good with endings. Heck, I still haven't watched the last episode of the Gilmore Girls series because, well, it's just sad. I guess this might be a bit of an overreaction, but while I watch a lot of TV (and by a lot I mean a lot. I just download all the TV shows that seem intriguing, which is why I always run out of HD space.), there are only a few shows that I really enjoy and Pushing Daisies was one of them (the others being...Criminal Minds and House).
I guess everything has to come to an end eventually. It's just sad it had to end so soon.
Song in my mind: The Used - Take It Away
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Why I Need New Songs To Listen To
16 November 2008, 21:32
I'm an extremely nostalgic person. I guess some people might find that hard to believe, but well, I guess I do have a hard time admitting it at times. I'm guilty of having shoeboxes filled with letter from recollections that date back to the 5th grade. I have balloons that my friends gave me for my birthday. The ice cream spoon from the first time I was ever allowed to go to the mall with my friends. These are just some of the things I amassed over the years.
But as time went on, I stopped collecting things..(okay junk). It was just getting a bit too much, and frankly, I didn't buy shoes all that often anyways. But just cause I had no more physical evidence of the memories of certain events in the movie that is my life, I do have the songs that are part of the soundtrack.
Music will always be a big part of my life. My mood sometimes depends on the type of songs I hear on the radio at the start of the day. I used to have "good luck" songs before an exam. (If a certain song would play before an exam, I'd get a high grade. Nerdy i know. :) ) But yeah, listening to songs really does send me right back through memory lane. Like how when I hear the Backstreet Boy's Quit Playing Games With My Heart, I remember how everyone thought Nick Carter was woman turned man. And how Panic! At The Disco's It's Time to Dance reminds me of second year college, where 801 was still "party central" for everyone and anyone who wanted to just hang out (and study...?). Or how the Goo Goo Doll's Iris was my favorite song back in grade 7 and how that was the last song I danced to in my senior prom (and how I still can't stand listening to it until now because it makes my heart ache a bit..not cause of the prom thing, but just out of nostalgia for time that has gone by). There's also Maroon 5, with She Will Be Loved and how I always always always wanted someone to sing that for me (harana style. Hahaha). And TBS's Make Damn Sure and how that song was my favorite song to sing at the top of my lungs back in college when I would drive home alone for the weekend (and how I was listening to that song when I got into my first minor car accident).
I could go on and on about the songs that makes me all teary on the inside (like the EHeads' Huwag Mo Nang Itanong Sa Akin, or Jason Mraz' Sleeping to Dream or Josh Kelley's Love Is Breaking My Heart), but that's gonna take forever. I guess I'm writing this because there are times (recently anyways) that I've been getting more and more nostalgic. Maybe it's because I feel like my life basically revolves around work and I've failed to come up with new memories in recent weeks. Maybe because things have changed so rapidly in the past couple of months that I haven't had time to sit down and just be able to think. Now it's funny, how sad I'm getting because I haven't had time to be sad.
The good thing about my life right now is that it's controllable. And for a control freak like me, that's a VERY good thing. But I guess I can't help wish for something more. I don't wish for anything life changing, but I do wish that for something new. Maybe there is something better than living a routine.
Lloyd Cole - Impossible Girl
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