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Who Knew I'd Be Such a Cliche?
14 September 2008, 23:06
I always knew that life would be unpredictable. I mean, nothing ever really goes my way, at the time I want it to go right sooo badly. I always accepted that as a truth, because well, that's just the way things are. I've But that's not something I want to dwell on right now.
I just had a sudden urge to spill my feelings on this blog, after more than a year of keeping silent. I'm not sure why today exactly. Maybe it's cause I spent the entire day facing the computer - and I'm not at work. Maybe it's because I got to go to the grocery today - the ultimate relaxing place for me. But I think it's largely because of Jack Johnson. Not that his songs have some sort of prophetic meaning to me or whatever, but something about his album makes me think. And want to write. So here I am.
The past week has just been a very...interesting week for me. Not eventful, but I just had the chance to do things and think about certain things. I realized that a lot of things are about to change for me, and I'm a little (BIG) scared about them. But it's change that has to happen, and well, it's just the way things are. Life isn't meant to be constant. We flow where we need to go, and I guess we just have to live with it. I'm certainly learning to live with it. It's just a daunting thing, facing change. I''m not the only one who's EVER had to go through this, I know, but well. This is the first time really that I've made my mind up about going through with the possibility of creating a big change in my life. It's kinda like the time when I was choosing which college to go to. Well, at that time, the choice came to me like an epiphany. Why go to the university I spent 4 years of high school wanting to go to, when this other university was offering me...nothing really more enticing. It just felt...right. And that's not something I do much. Make drastic decisions that is. I'm the type to have had their life set out for them. And I did. Back in gradeschool - and a large chunk of high school - I knew what I wanted. I knew what I wanted my life to be. But that day I decided to fight to let my mom allow me to go to the college of my choice, things changed for me. My future changed and my plan, well, it took a very different direction. My dreams have changed, although I still feel like I haven't. I'm still awkward, shy but loud at the same time. Happy and depressed. A complete oxymoron - emphasis on moron. Hahahaha! Which is why making big decisions is such a scary thing for me. It's not something I like to do, and not something I do often. But i guess it's just the way how things are supposed to go. I can't do nothing forever.
I just hope my choices don't bite me in the arse in the end.
Song in my head: Jack Johnson - All At Once
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