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My Head Hurts
25 April 2007, 22:11
Okay so I have a tendency to think a lot. I think I've said that before, but it's really difficult. I mean it's not something I just realized out of the blue, but it's something that I feel I shouldn't be doing right now. Take with work for example. I'm stressing over so many things I don't need to know and even my boss tells me to like lighten up and not mind those things. But I feel like I still have to think about it and I can't move on. But at least I'm trying. I really am. I used to get headaches a lot back in grade school. Like when I was still in my old old school, I used to hang out in the clinic a lot because I was always in some sort of pain. The nurse told me to go see a real doctor to check if I was anemic and well I wasn't but I did get my glasses fixed right after that. Okay so that headache had nothing to do with the fact that I think too much, but I mentioned it because, well, I'm not actually sure. Oh yeah cause I've been getting headaches a lot recently. Like when I wake up my head feels heavy and I don't want to get up and start my day. I think it's partly cause of the fact that I'm feeling a little lost at work. Like I'm not sure if I'm doing what I'm supposed to do. I know I am, but maybe I'm pressuring myself too much. This is what I mean about thinking too much. Hay. I really wish I could stop you know? Like stop overanalyzing every single thing, every single situation or person or whatever. But I can't. Well I can, but it'snot that easy. I wish I was like someone who didn't care. Then my life wouldn't be this hard, I think. I mean there would be less watching your back or tiptoeing around things. Like you attack life like head on, with no worries or cares in the world. I really wish I could be like that. But then again, that's really not who I am. I think no matter how I try to change, I'll always still go back to the way I am because well, this is me. There are times that I wish I was a different person, but it passes – the feeling that is –because at the end of the day, it is who I am that has gotten me where I am, has become friends with the people I'm friends with and has the family that I got. It might be tiring to be me, but then again, everyone gets tired right? It's really a matter of choice, how you try to make the most of who you are and what you have. So yeah. I guess I really need to stop thinking so much. Be more of a doer than a thinker. Let's see how it goes.
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