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On Being Wistful
08 May 2006, 18:38
I just watched "You've Got Mail" yesterday. As much as I hate to admit it, I really enjoy those types of movies. The hopeless-romantic happy-endings kind of films. I have a thing for movies that have closure. I don't known if it' normal, but after the movie ends, I end up thinking about the characters' future. Like will they get married? Will they have children? What if they get separated? Will Kathleen Kelly ever get a job again? Would she need to if she marries Joe Fox? I know it's probably a little stupid and I think it might be pointless to do so, yet I still continue to worry long after the movie's over. Why? It's just a movie. Fiction. But then again, I do have a hard time distinguishing fiction from reality sometimes. There are times when I get so immersed in something that I forget that it's not real. And movies are a prime example. I cannot stand a bad ending. Well, for me a bad ending would be one where you're left in the cold on what the future has in store for the characters. For me, it's either you give me all that sappy happy ending complete with a flash forward five years later to see them happily settled in a little suburban town or just keep them apart. I am a fan of unrequited love. While it's fun to watch people get together, watching a couple break up gives me a sad sense of enjoyment. I look at it as a positive thing. At least those people in the movie finally realized that they're meant to be with other people. At least they're smart enough to know that they deserve better. I seriously don't know why I think like this. I mean it's just movies right? I honestly believe I worry too much sometimes. I do have a hard time detaching myself from things, whether it's movies or books or useless sentimental stuff at home gathering dust in old shoeboxes but still I haven't got the heart to throw them away. I have this huge pile of items collected over the years, things that I don't even remember the origin of yet it's there and it's part of my treasures. Sometimes when I'm feeling especially wistful I open them up and look through everything I have so far. I get to read every single recollection letter I've ever received since the fourth grade again. I still have balloons that my friends gave to me for my birthday and stupid things like an ice cream spoon from the first time I went out my friends to the mall. Sometimes it makes me a little sad whenever I go through my things. Life seemed so simple back then, when the biggest problem I had was worrying how to ask my mom permission to go out. If only I could talk to my younger self, I'd tell me that there's no point in being scared and rehearsing the lines I prepared to try to convince my mom because none of it would work anyway. Unnecessary stress on my part. Whenever I go through my things I begin to wonder if the things I did back then where right. If I made the right decisions, if I said the right things. I think that could be my main problem, that I think too much about the past. I have a problem about moving forward and just forgetting about the past. I do have a tendency to replay so many events in my mind over and over again without realizing that it's over. Nothing I can do will bring back those things I've said and done. Move on. But sometimes I find it extremely difficult to just forget. Maybe it's because I'm afraid of the uncertainty that the future holds. I wish I could just jump headfirst into everything but then again, that wouldn't be me.
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