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sugar rush and sleepines do not mix well.
21 April 2007, 00:21
It's almost one and well, i know i should try to go to sleep already, but my mind seems to be working still, so guess i'll put that on hold first. I feel like there are things I need to get off my chest, but I'm not actually sure what they are. Okay, maybe I'd have some idea, but I guess I don't really know how to articulate them. It's weird how i can go on and on for hours talking about the most senseless things, but when it comes to me and my feelings and life and anything personal, I tend to clam up. It's kinda sad how like when there are getting to know you activities, I never know what to answer. There are days I really wish I was good at something. Like really good. Like hmmm. I wish i could sing. Okay, that stems from the fact that I have always dreamt that someday I can have my own huge concert in front of thousands of people. Seriously. Like sing and dance in front of everyone. But i get stuck being one of the few people who cannot, for the life of me, carry a tune. Or has any rhythm. Trust me, I have made attempts to dance in the past, but to no avail. I just don't know how. :) I guess that's not really a bad thing, I just don't know how to do it I guess. But anyways. I do wish that I could be more open about me to other people. I was just thinking how closed off I can be. Maybe that's why some people make fun of me, saying I have a heart of stone. Oh wait that's my mom's joke. Hahaha. See? Even my mom knows about my difficulty to be emotional. I guess there's really nothing wrong with being like this. I mean, there's really nothing wrong with wanting to keep personal thing personal. Duh. That's why they are called personal.I am very secretive and well, it's hard not to be sometimes. It's just the way things work so I guess i can't really do anything about that. I just wish I could sometimes let my guard down and let people in. I do, in a way, but never to the extent that they can enter all the way through. I always have that barrier between me and someone else because well, I'm not sure how to let them in. It's sad, but it's the truth. I guess what I really am is scared. I have a lot of fear in my heart and I'm not sure how to get rid of them. And maybe in some way I don't want to.
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